ah right so this journal totally died about seven months ago. if you're interested, my new journal is lemmethink_nooo

ahaha now i'm all struck with nostalgia and want to update this one too. way to go.

how could i have been so blind? i'm not over billie...what was i thinking?

maybe i had just gone for too long without listening to green day.
maybe i was just...overcome with my crush on killa.

but good lord, i don't know why i would have thought that.

see, i was watching this video of this guy playing a medley of green day songs on the piano on youtube, and like he started playing Jesus of Suburbia and all of the sudden like, it came back. like, this feeling ran up my legs and arms and i started grinning and playing the song in my head.

i think what it was was that, though of course i'm still like madly in love with him, it's more in perspective now. it's not an obsession, just...i don't know how to describe it. but DUH it's still there.

hmm...

well in other news i still get completely goofy whenever i have to interact with killa. HAHA oh god i hate my life sometimes but thats okay because he's not exactly the coolest guy ever. it's fine.

here im embedding that vid so you all can see it. 

oh, and this just in:

john's officially perfect.

sorry, but its true.

im here watching the office off of my ipod and practically having a seizure, because, okay, the second episode of season 3 is called "the convention" and jim is there and wearing this white button down shirt with the top button unbuttoned and his bag pulls it over so you get to see the top of his collarbone and some of his shoulder...and skin...and...um...[see now i dont understand why i can think these things but saying them / putting them to paper is just so fricking embarrassing]...chest hair.
basically lots of goodness.  
case in point: please note the...um...well-endowedness of my icon. please.
i was watching this week and that shot came on and my jaw dropped. i was like mygod.

point being he's delicious.

anyways, moving on from the subject of john krasinski's drool-worthy good looks.

so, this whole "i have a crush on my 22 year old math teacher" thing. it's kind of awkward.
i blush.
a lot.
a whole fricking lot.
like, every time he looks at me / talks to me / comes within two feet of me / sometimes even spontaneously during class.
it's a little bit depressing.

but, frankly, i'm a little pissed.
no one will let me talk about it, which i find really fucking hypocritical. like, no one objected to me blathering on and on and on about gordon and will and billie and grant and any fucking one else.
it just really bothers me that suddenly it's taboo to tell stories about it. i dont know.
and, like, i get that it's a little more...awkward, i suppose, for me to have a thing for my teacher, but at the same time, if you're going to tell me that it's not weird to have a thing for him, and that it's normal and that it shouldn't freak me out, then dont be bullshitting me about it.

see, and i was so giggly because of jim when i started writing this, but now im just pissed off. so fuck you.

i was tagged, so, what the hell:

RULES: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks.
Completion optional, but I'll love you more if you do!

1. I have a tendency to flail.

2. I wish I could sing like an opera singer. Then maybe I wouldn't suck so bad.

3. My cell phone is always on my person...to the point that it's weird / obsessive.

4. If I know you really well, I answer the phone, "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam."

5. I have a ridiculous crush on John Krasinski / Jim Halpert.

6. If I could be anyone in the world I'd probably choose Hilary Duff.

7. I've never been kissed.

8. I have a painfully awkward crush on my math teacher.

9. I don't like to let people see me cry; it makes me feel like I let them win.

10. In 4th grade I wanted everyone to call me Jewel.

too_many_curls
tallovesbillie
blowme_down (screw no tagbacks i dont have LJ friends)


in other news:

so, um, crushes on teachers. make my life kind of like a living hell. but actually make it kind of fun.
see, there's a lot of really REALLY painful awkward instances in which i blush.
like, today. i didn't get how to do one of the problems, so i asked mr. k how to do it. and then proceeded to blush when he came next to me and was leaning over my desk and gesturing to my notebook and crap. oh, and he threatened to take my english homework because it was on my desk even though i told him that i hadn't been using it (i hadn't...i pay attention in sean's class.)
but then he gave it back to me and goes "alright, just, you know, put it away."

oy.

plus now im worried that he's replaced gordon and will.

and i've been feeling strangely apathetic towards billie.

which could mean...oh sweet jesus, please dont be true...

the only person i have a crush on is my math teacher?

alright since you freaky little stalkers have taken to reading my LJ -- you know who you are -- im going to make a post for you.



in other news i have a crush on my math teacher ohgod.

fringe benefit last night!!! 

it was AMAZING and i now have huge crushes on a couple of more guys...hooray.

but, like, at least they're nice drama kids, and not jackass lacrosse/hockey/football players, okay?

so the first one, andrew checketts (who has a facebook, i looked), was in "grease" with me, and like he had to put his arm around me during one of the parts...needless to say, i was sold pretty damn quick.
and then later, he was complaining to a couple of guys about something and i was sitting there putting my shoes on and i look up and go "what's wrong?" and he goes "there's no soda in this high school!" and i laughed and was like "oh, haven't you heard? soda's contraband in high schools" and he shakes his head and goes "fuck that."

the other one is, of course, gelato boy. there's just too much to say about him, so i wont say anything.

but omg omg OMG 

IM GOING TO SEE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ON FEBRUARY 23RD WITH blowme_down! i am so...excited...you cant possibly imagine.

what else, what else...

dunno. i have a bit of homework to finish up, then i might very well grace comingclean with a ficlet. who knows.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox MWAH

so i caved and got an actual blog on blogger.com
i'll put the url in at the end of this post.
but see the thing is is that i want it to be like a real blog not just full of my hormonal rantings about boys. that's what this one is for.
so if anyone reading this has any ideas for what i can write about, feel free to comment.

here's the link:
http://whatareyouringingthisgeekfor.blogspot.com/

you're so excited.
any input would be AMAZING and i'd love you forever.
:D

hmmm...christmas is over, which means no more annoying christmas music. thank goodness.

christmas was really good, though. i got a new phone, thank jesus and all that is good and holy. i love it. it's adorable. i bought the greatest ringtones -- longview, poprocks and coke, crooked teeth, alison, radio radio, julia. 
and i got a green day wallpaper. HOORAY.

hmm, what else.

we're going to go into new york this weekend, to see the tree and my sister and get dance shoes and just generally be amazing because that's work NYC is really good for.

i feel really grown up all of the sudden. i dont know. but here's the thing.
i'll be sixteen in september, which means that i can drive.
i can also get a job now, because in connecticut you can be employed at most places at the age of fifteen.
and i have really nice clothes, and i look good, you know?

i don't really understand. i just suddenly feel...ready, i guess. do you get it?

yeah.

plus, for my birthday, we're going to california to have my birthday at rudy's can't fail cafe. and i'm praying every night that my parents perform an act of God and somehow contact green day and get them to be there.

after all, what could be a better birthday present than the man you're madly in love with, right?

so im sleeping in the guest room in my house because both of my sisters are home for christmas, and my oldest sister has allergies and the middle sister doesnt like sleeping in here, so saint julia is in here til wednesday. 
but that's okay, because there's a tv in here, which means that i can stay up until 2:45 every morning and watch tv and write. it's a wonderful life.

now im watching pretty in pink, even though i hate it because (a) andrew mccarthy has NO CHIN, (b) she ends up with blaine instead of ducky, which is just obnoxious, and (c) her prom dress is HORRIBLE.
but the reason i watch it is because, i swear to god, every time i harbor a little bit of hope that andie will choose ducky in the end. 
and every time my hopes are dashed.

im desperate for more pictures of billie in hawaii. UNGH. billie + water + tattoos + paparrazzi = very very very happy me. the end.

hes SO HOT.
</rant>

i'd definitely rape him. 
it's fine.

morning.

so, okay, so, i was gonna write this as though we already knew each other (oo! another shameless self-insertion? I NEVER WOULD HAVE EXPECTED IT!), but then it just wasn't realistic enough. so then.

i just want to post what i had so far, more my my own and blowme_down 's sake than for anything.

so yeah.

one sentence sums up how i feel right about now.

and so, to quote the wonderful mister armstrong, on November 10, 2001:

I don't like dealing with most fucking people.

can we PLEASE talk about this picture

please.
please.
please.

p.s. is that a cross i spy? you said you were fucking agnostic, dude. I KNEW IT.
love you.

im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry

i've been neglecting you by keeping my rantings away

im sorry im sorry im sorry

i've just been really busy! last week i had auditions monday-wednesday, then piano thursday, then voice and acting friday, a sleepover friday night, sleepover recovery on saturday, and sunday i was babysitting. it's not my fault.

but the good news is i have a lot of story ideas that i've been mulling over. my personal favorite?

A BILLIE/WILL FIC

how sick-nasty is that?
believe me, it's pretty sicknasty, seeing as i had a dream about it.

is it weird to use will as one of my characters? i cant decide if it is...i mean, i suppose it's not because it's not like he's copyrighted or anything, plus i mean i am changing some characteristics....aka my will is NICE. ha.

he's still dating the yana beast. ungh, it's painful. but he's beautiful.

everyone is now starting to think that at like our 5 or 10 year reunion will and i are gonna be together with like a bevy of children. hey, man, i wouldnt mind. that's a damn good gene pool.

today i had a stage crew meeting for fiddler (seeing as i didnt get in...grrr) and then i auditioned for the one act play, cecile. but wait, get this:
tomorrow, i'm reading for the lead role. how SWEET would that be? dee and erin would be so proud of me. <3

hmm...what else, what else...

i dunno. i cant really think of anything else to write, so...CIAO

i hate days like this. because they always end with will being my favorite. 
well, actually, they just make me realize that he's always my favorite.
which is SO INCREDIBLY ANNOYING, if you've never experienced it.

so, anyways, i'll explain how exactly i came to be in this predicament on this day.

see, we watched these projects that we had to do in english, and will's group did "the real world" for theirs, and he played the character that was gay.
as in, he wore an argyle sweater and a HEADBAND. its fine...he's clearly very comfortable with his sexuality.
and then there was this scene where he was just wearing a wifebeater and shorts. and you could see his arms and shoulders.
his very muscular tan and toned arms.
which are undoubtedly very nice to have wrapped around you.
in the middle of the night.
while you're asleep.
with your head on his chest.

but i digress.

they used his dad and sister as extras. his sister is so cute, she was so shy on the video. but he's definitely the pretty child in the family, although i still havent seen THE TEEJ (his little brothers name is TJ, okay? dont hate)

but still...THE GEORGE ON CAMERA

YAYYYYYY

i have to go be sappy and inlovewithwilliamwesleysimpson now. bye.

fuck fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck.

will simpson made me cry again.

see, what happened is this:
it was lunchtime, and the bell had rang, so i was leaving the cafeteria, and i walked past the table where he and yana were sitting, and as she went to leave...they kissed.

effectively ripping my heart from my chest, detaching my soul from my body. and let me tell you this...

it hurts.

it hurts like a motherfucking bear.

so apparently new canaan high school gets bomb threats.
at least, i'm assuming they do, since i'm currently under house arrest because of one.

see, i guess we did get one, because the superintendent and our principal posted on the school website that we cant bring backpacks tomorrow, etc., and so then naturally me and my big mouth mentions to my mom that maybe people aren't going.

and so now i, too, am one of those people. HOW LAME AM I

seriouslyyyyy. i'm distressed. i'm being held at home against my will...and apart from my will. and my gordon.

how annoying is that??

i dont even know if anyone else isnt going. probably not. which means i'll be stuck at home all day with my dad and my brother. whoop dee freakin doo.

so now im watching fantasia.

eat shit, terrorist bastards.